Release my FEAR
Yes! Yes! YES! Okay people, my ship... the one I have been sailing took a total and complete DIVE. The journey started so positive and I was feeling so great inside and out- what the heck happened?!?! ?
What makes some people follow through with wellness goals and others not? Why did I feel so great, yet take a total dive and reverse so much progress? It's time to ask myself... Why?
I have spent my entire life surviving. In fact, my family sometimes jokes about me being "the survivor." To be honest, I have never really gotten that nickname... but maybe, just maybe - it is part of the root of my answer. I live daily in fear. Fear of letting others down, fear of things not being up to par, fear that I can't get everything done, fear of what others think, fear that I am not good enough, fear to ask others for help for fear that they will think I am a complainer, fear that I am being selfish when I focus on self-care because I should be there for others, fear that I am too stressed, fear that I am stressed about being stressed, fear that is so strong I can feel it - feel it right in my throat...
Right there in my throat! The root of my autoimmune disease. There it is. FEAR. I don't follow through because of that four letter word. And it makes be wonder how long I have been living in fear. Did I tell you that I hate being afraid. There are not many things that I would say I hate, but I truly hate all things scary. I shut my eyes and sing, "la la la la la" during commercials on TV for some serious scary shit... no WAY, no thanks, not gonna watch it.
It was so important for me to stay positive about this change in my lifestyle. Why? Because I am afraid. If I stay positive, it helps me cover my eyes and sing - and ignore what is right in front of me!
So throw me a paddle! Let's dig.
Fear of letting others down: Back to the Hashimoto's Protocol by Izabella Wentz, "An empty cup cannot fill another." The survivor in me wants to fight back and say, "but I do every day!" The fear in me whispers, "but for how long?" So I am creating my own mantras to help me speak to my inner fear- Manta #1 - "Those who care about me will not be let down by life changes that lead to my personal wellness."
Fear of things not being up to par: Hello, this book is complete speaking to me, "Individuals who struggle often manifest the following behaviors: Perfectionism..." Ding Ding Ding! I am actually at peace with my autoimmune disease and through the Autoimmune Tribe's book club have learned to love my illness and recognize what it is teaching me. However, my perfectionism lies in the fact that I want the process to "look perfect" again... cough. cough. this blog. the hours on meal plan sheets that I have never followed through on because they were never perfect. the feeling that I need to connect and learn with others so the feeling that I need to be present on social media with this experience. taking the perfect notes in the book. choosing the perfect path. making meals AIP compliant that taste and look perfect. This could so go on... but the fact is that I don't have time for all this perfection and the perfection brings fear. This fear has to stop. Perfectionism is defined as having all the qualities or characteristics to be as good as it can possibly be... Mantra #2 - "Every voyage has waves. Waves are beautiful. Embrace the waves."
Fear of being a problem for others. I don't like to complain. I don't like to ask for help. And I really don't need to... I don't need to be a problem to others - the survivor in my wouldn't let this happen anyway - why am I afraid? Mantra #3 - "No pressure. No problem." This makes me smile - it reminds me of my honeymoon in St. Lucia. I will release the fear of being a problem to others. I would never make others feel like what they were asking was a problem, so why am I even afraid of how they will respond to me? I am not a complainer. I am not a dependent person. "No pressure. No problem." I can state that any time that I feel that fear of being a problem for others. It will make me smile. Make them smile and it will be my quiet reminder to release my fear.